Gritty Kids

Good morning.  We dug deep this week for a dadding gem that you can put to use as quick as your kids can soil a fresh pair of pants.  

This week its a Coaching Gem: 

•  “I can’t do it!”…how this is where dads and kids can succeed

"I can't do it!"...how this is where dads and kids can succeed

Do conversations with your kids ever go like this?

Me: How did your ski lessons go today?

Child: I can’t do it….I don’t want to go.

Kids that learn to overcome the hard stuff are more confident and successful (more on that below). While there isn’t always an obvious recipe to creating kids that push through…

Here are 4 things you can start doing today to teach your kids to never give up and why this is so important…

Start With The Why: 

Overcoming the hard stuff = Grit = More Success (according to Angela Duckworth's TED Talk with >26M views).

Ms. Duckworth is clear that Grit is not:

Natural Talent...hot dog anyone.

Or

Luck

Here are the 4 ways to tackle grit:

1) Be Mufasa (from the Lion King)

Mufasa demonstrates classic Authoritative style parent (the article a quick 75 sec video). He is demanding yet supportive.   

The evidence is in that Authoritative is the best style (not to be confused with Authoritarian...thanks Mussolini):

“Studies have found that authoritative parents are more likely to raise confident kids who achieve academic success, have better social skills and are more capable at problem-solving.” (From Make It)

This infographic does a great showing each dadding style in TV Show dads.  

Do Be:

• Demanding yet supportive. Have rules with natural consequences.

Don't Be: 

• Too Tough on yourself

• Al Bundy from Married…with Children (Neglectful), Frank Reynolds from Always Sunny (Permissive) or Red Forman That 70s Show (Authoritarian).

2) Get Hyped About Real Learning

More about why this is important here.  But here are 5 things you can do today to get your kids more hyped about learning:

1. Help our kids see challenges as fun puzzles to solve.

2. Go all House of Pain “Jump Around” about failures (celebrate them) (see HiLoFunFailFav post).

3. Help your kids see their success not against their buddies but against their own progress.

4. Praise the hard work not the outcome - instead of saying “good job” when your kid gets an A on a test, praise all the time and effort they spent studying.

5. Start using the word ‘yet’ - “I can’t do the monkey bars”.  Our response: “You might not be able to do them ‘yet’ but if you keep trying you will.”  

3) You're On Fire...What Do You Do?

Pause, Think and Re-Try is the Stop, Drop and Roll of Learning. 

Obstacles are a constant when setting goals. Once our kids hit an obstacle on their way to a goal we ask them to Pause. We encourage them to Think about the reasons they hit an issue by asking ‘why’ and suggest they Think of ways they could Re-Try to overcome the barrier. And then Re-Try. We encourage repeating until the goal is met. 

4) Start With A Pillow Fort

Your 4 year old is going to work towards different goals than your 10 year old.

Meet them where they are.  Start small.  

Let them feel the satisfaction of setting a goal, hitting an obstacle, pausing, thinking, re-trying and eventually achieving.  

Start with a pillow fort.   

Let them build.  Watch as a pillow wall tumbles.  Ask them ‘what would you change so it doesn’t happen again?’ Let them try again.  Eventually they will get it. 

Without further ado, it’s time to get in the ring with those kiddos and get gritty.  With any amount of luck, you just might fail a little, which you now know is a good thing if you've been paying attention.